Perhaps it's just me, but I have a serious issue with bugs. I can't stand bugs crawling around in my domain. When I see them, I become paralyzed and my body tricks me into thinking I'm about to die. So that's fun.
I also once realized that if there was ever a large bug crawling on me, I would probably rip my arm off with no hesitation. How do I know this? Well, one day, I felt something weird on my arm. Thinking it was a bug, I started the flail my arm about in a terrified frenzy. I effectively pulled most of the muscles in my arm before I realized that there was no bug, it was my own hair that brushed against my arm.
Yeah, I have some real issues with bugs.
Not too long ago, I came walking home. It was a Friday night. I didn't feel up to doing anything. I had been through a long day. I had just got done walking through cold rain. All I really wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. When I opened my closet door, I was greeted by this:
Well, in my mind that is what my closet looked like. I have been known to hallucinate bugs everywhere. I'm pretty sure it was just one really fast bug....and it had me convinced that all that scary bastard really wanted to do was to crawl into my mouth and eat whatever it is bugs like to eat.
I slammed the door and paced around my room hysterically whispering death threats to the bug in the closet. I tried to man up and just rid of the damn thing, but every time I opened the closet door.....
With my body slowly convincing me I was about to die at any second, I was soon reduced to a weeping mass clinging to a swifer.
After my panic attack, I actually started to get really pissed. I wasn't going to let that bug make me look like a fool. I was going to show that damn bug who was the boss. My plan was to open the closet door and smack that sucker with my swifer until it was dead. I started getting myself pumped up. I was swearing like a sailor, and I didn't care who heard it. I just wanted that goddamn bug dead.
I opened the closet door and started moving things around while calling out to the bug: "come here you little piece of s***". Nothing. The bug was nowhere to be found.
For the next week I was terrified at where the bug could possibly be. For all I knew it was making a nest somewhere. That's all I needed. More bugs.
I still haven't found that bug...but I'll be ready when it comes around again. Maybe.
Or not.
~AM
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